Say, if you took a fresh egg and hurled it against the wall, the result would largely resemble my scattered brains.
It's all back to choices again. Time is closing down on me. Act fast!!!
Three different courses. Four universities. Two countries. One huge factor. And one defining headache.
But you know what would rid all this? You telling me, yes, I'll go with you.
Tuesday, May 8
This is a golden retriever - my dream dog. They're probably the most friendly dogs in the world. I was at ECP one day, waiting for Fatty outside the toilet, alongside a goldie with the most luxurious coat of fur. I smiled and gave it a wave. Maybe I was emanating good vibes =), goldie actually came trotting on his adorable paws. I've been infatuated ever since.
Sunday, May 6
Lying on a haystack:
Ulterior needle
Prodding
Nipping
At consciousness.
You impapable spotlight
Be off!
Ya ya, that's my ode to insomnia. Stupid thing is bugging me. It's 3 05am in KL, 8 04pm in London. Don't tell me my brain is already adjusting without me being physically there.
So this post is going to be as long as it gets.
Damn. I'm getting really frustrated with all the tossing and turning, just waiting for the next day.
I've never been online this late since Form 2, when I'd pre-smuggle Dad's laptop and hide it in my wardrobe, again waiting for time to pass. But, hehe, when the hour hand touches 2, sneaky sneaky begins! Back then it was dial up modem, long treachery wires and more wires, plus Dad'a laptop made a sharp squeak during start up. The pillow made a good silencer. =)
Why all the hassle? Well, wouldn't you want to know.
Haha, it was a rendezvous with someone. ICQ-ing at night- me, the flickering screen, and the person at the other end... The timid tap-tap-tap, echoing against the silent night, was a source of thrill and gratification. Nothing criminal, just juvenile. I think I was caught a couple of times, but hey, as actuaries would say: risk is opportunity.
Funny- the way our relationship develops. Unique? Or worse, exotic? Screwy? Maybe. Now we talk about the "validation of your existence". Still great to have you around, if you'd have me.
Okay admittedly the other person at the other end varied at different periods. But you know I'm talking about you.
Since my brain is so scattered, this is going to be a very fuzzy, incoherent post.
Let's talk about past and present user names ie e mail, ICQ, MSN etc.
1 nixzuen ---I have no idea how this came to mind.
2 narcissus ---I didn't know what narcissist meant then. But a narcissus is a flower.
3 charon ---after one of Pluto's moons, must have been on some astrological craze.
4 paradoxical paragon ---I liked the word paragon.
5 ferris ---ferris?!
6 enigma --- like a silhoutte, or so I thought. I have totally fallen out of love with it now.
7 minute halcyon --- too morbid
8 halcyonjo --- I really love this. *projecting lots of happy moments*
9 jo ---obviously a short form for Joleen. Short and sweet, no? How apt. Haha.
All these numbers are not making me sleepy!!!
Okay, what's next?
Oh yeah my zero tolerance towards gross stuff. I've been coughing out solid green phelgm. And sometimes it's starkly contrasted with strings of red. Isn't it simply amaaaa...zing? I'm actually glad to see this stuff getting flushed down the sink. At least it's not infiltrating my lungs.
Did you know that Cho of Virginia Tech did not own a Facebook account?
Songs sound so much better now. Back to the haystack.
DISCLAIMER: Though this may be my most honest post to date, I'm under the influence of drugs. Hehe...
Ulterior needle
Prodding
Nipping
At consciousness.
You impapable spotlight
Be off!
Ya ya, that's my ode to insomnia. Stupid thing is bugging me. It's 3 05am in KL, 8 04pm in London. Don't tell me my brain is already adjusting without me being physically there.
So this post is going to be as long as it gets.
Damn. I'm getting really frustrated with all the tossing and turning, just waiting for the next day.
I've never been online this late since Form 2, when I'd pre-smuggle Dad's laptop and hide it in my wardrobe, again waiting for time to pass. But, hehe, when the hour hand touches 2, sneaky sneaky begins! Back then it was dial up modem, long treachery wires and more wires, plus Dad'a laptop made a sharp squeak during start up. The pillow made a good silencer. =)
Why all the hassle? Well, wouldn't you want to know.
Haha, it was a rendezvous with someone. ICQ-ing at night- me, the flickering screen, and the person at the other end... The timid tap-tap-tap, echoing against the silent night, was a source of thrill and gratification. Nothing criminal, just juvenile. I think I was caught a couple of times, but hey, as actuaries would say: risk is opportunity.
Funny- the way our relationship develops. Unique? Or worse, exotic? Screwy? Maybe. Now we talk about the "validation of your existence". Still great to have you around, if you'd have me.
Okay admittedly the other person at the other end varied at different periods. But you know I'm talking about you.
Since my brain is so scattered, this is going to be a very fuzzy, incoherent post.
Let's talk about past and present user names ie e mail, ICQ, MSN etc.
1 nixzuen ---I have no idea how this came to mind.
2 narcissus ---I didn't know what narcissist meant then. But a narcissus is a flower.
3 charon ---after one of Pluto's moons, must have been on some astrological craze.
4 paradoxical paragon ---I liked the word paragon.
5 ferris ---ferris?!
6 enigma --- like a silhoutte, or so I thought. I have totally fallen out of love with it now.
7 minute halcyon --- too morbid
8 halcyonjo --- I really love this. *projecting lots of happy moments*
9 jo ---obviously a short form for Joleen. Short and sweet, no? How apt. Haha.
All these numbers are not making me sleepy!!!
Okay, what's next?
Oh yeah my zero tolerance towards gross stuff. I've been coughing out solid green phelgm. And sometimes it's starkly contrasted with strings of red. Isn't it simply amaaaa...zing? I'm actually glad to see this stuff getting flushed down the sink. At least it's not infiltrating my lungs.
Did you know that Cho of Virginia Tech did not own a Facebook account?
Songs sound so much better now. Back to the haystack.
DISCLAIMER: Though this may be my most honest post to date, I'm under the influence of drugs. Hehe...
Thursday, May 3
I fell sick today. It all started with the weirdest dreams- an American setting and people with names like Mary and Tom and confusing marriages- in a pool of sweat.
So I skipped my second last day as a temporary teacher. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I had some sushi made for a few teachers. In the end I got Ming Zhen to bring it to school for me.
Throbbing headaches and weak jelly- like limbs do put matters into different perspectives. Like in Blinding Light by Paul Theroux, Steadman takes some Equadorean drug, datura, "He was able to reason that if a dream lacks logic and connectedness, is random and puzzling, it was the opposite of a dream, and was wonderful for its coherence". Whatever he is trying to express, I'm too bombed.
*
Santarina is going to school tommorow!
Have you been naughty or good?
So I skipped my second last day as a temporary teacher. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I had some sushi made for a few teachers. In the end I got Ming Zhen to bring it to school for me.
Throbbing headaches and weak jelly- like limbs do put matters into different perspectives. Like in Blinding Light by Paul Theroux, Steadman takes some Equadorean drug, datura, "He was able to reason that if a dream lacks logic and connectedness, is random and puzzling, it was the opposite of a dream, and was wonderful for its coherence". Whatever he is trying to express, I'm too bombed.
*
Santarina is going to school tommorow!
Have you been naughty or good?
Tuesday, May 1
Uhm... I was a weather vane after all. It should have been easy.
-I want to get maximum exemptions with the least time and hassle and most help. -
There. Out went Warwick. Too long, too tedious. Southampton got axed too. Too economics oriented. Herriot Watt is too cold, too old. NTU? Not enough guidance. So the survivor? Kent.
Oh well. Oh well. I've got to work hard. Very hard.
*
The business talk was a waste of time. I got the impression that they focused more on banking and finance. But I liked the versatility of the course, and I even flirted with the idea of taking B&F. Haha at the end of it all I'm lured by the prospect of a monthly 5 figure salary.
That's if I manage. More than what's adequate.
On the up side, I got to know a girl from VJ. Sharon's like me. Small sized (Size 3 feet!), doesn't like sports, not the Student Council type. We clicked. =)
-I want to get maximum exemptions with the least time and hassle and most help. -
There. Out went Warwick. Too long, too tedious. Southampton got axed too. Too economics oriented. Herriot Watt is too cold, too old. NTU? Not enough guidance. So the survivor? Kent.
Oh well. Oh well. I've got to work hard. Very hard.
*
The business talk was a waste of time. I got the impression that they focused more on banking and finance. But I liked the versatility of the course, and I even flirted with the idea of taking B&F. Haha at the end of it all I'm lured by the prospect of a monthly 5 figure salary.
That's if I manage. More than what's adequate.
On the up side, I got to know a girl from VJ. Sharon's like me. Small sized (Size 3 feet!), doesn't like sports, not the Student Council type. We clicked. =)
Thursday, April 26
Current affairs necessitate the change of blog title. To better reflect what I'm going through, it's going to be called "Let Me Be..."
- Brave.
Remember I said that the skies were going to "clear a little" after the release of the A level results? I was wrong. In fact, it got more complicated.
I'd like to be a clairvoyant. I'd like someone to make a 100% accurate decision for me. I'd like someone to be blamed if anything goes awry.
But guess what? I'm responsible for myself. Aiks.
Today I had a talk with Mooi. You know... I wanted her to be the wind, and me the weather vane. Instead she nudged me south. And that's another colour added to the rainbow. Many stories, many experiences. People who took a year's leave to study and take the exams. People who study 8 hours a day and still chicken out at the last minute. When she said that "I don't think actuarial science is a branch of science, I think it's a form of art", it sounded almost beautiful.
There was a moralistic moment too. "Insurance companies are there for you in times for need." Whoa. Revolutionary, considering the closest encounter I've ever had with insurance was with a certain Clara with a significant mole who used to come to our house to sell policies and water filters and Amway products.
Well, it seems that the chances of me drinking till I pass out or smoking pot are low... Going south for some hi-tea.
*
Germany is in jeopardy! =(
- Brave.
Remember I said that the skies were going to "clear a little" after the release of the A level results? I was wrong. In fact, it got more complicated.
I'd like to be a clairvoyant. I'd like someone to make a 100% accurate decision for me. I'd like someone to be blamed if anything goes awry.
But guess what? I'm responsible for myself. Aiks.
Today I had a talk with Mooi. You know... I wanted her to be the wind, and me the weather vane. Instead she nudged me south. And that's another colour added to the rainbow. Many stories, many experiences. People who took a year's leave to study and take the exams. People who study 8 hours a day and still chicken out at the last minute. When she said that "I don't think actuarial science is a branch of science, I think it's a form of art", it sounded almost beautiful.
There was a moralistic moment too. "Insurance companies are there for you in times for need." Whoa. Revolutionary, considering the closest encounter I've ever had with insurance was with a certain Clara with a significant mole who used to come to our house to sell policies and water filters and Amway products.
Well, it seems that the chances of me drinking till I pass out or smoking pot are low... Going south for some hi-tea.
*
Germany is in jeopardy! =(
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