Oh dear, what could the matter be?

I'll find out soon enough.

Read a friend's blog. She had written, "I like myself more everyday", and I wondered if the same could be applied to me.

I know for sure that I am a nice and mild individual, but a daring persona has emerged of late.

Whence came this irrational part of me, I cannot tell.

Daylight saving ended, and a blissful darkness begins.

It's Thanksgiving's today. Terese had invited Dustin, so he and I bought a bottle of Martini for the dinner.

The spread was nothing less than awesome. After a hearty meal that was topped off with pear and pumpkin pie, and gelato, we formed a cozy little circle and took turns sharing what we are thankful for.

Most of us were thankful for the usual blessings: family, friends, health, a new job... Among us was Gilbert, who was born in 1923. He simply said, in his softspoken manner, that he was grateful for being able to wake up the next morning. Once again I'm amazed by his vitality and outlook in life. I have a soft spot for silver haired people.

As for me, I said "I'm thankful for being happy and lucky", which just about summarizes what I feel and have experienced.

I am truly thankful for all that I have, although I want more sometimes :)

Set a-flutter,
But I flatter myself.

28 marks to go for that infuriatingly intimidating economics assignment... What better way to prepare for battle round 2 than to dumb my mind for a while and think happy thoughts :)

The humble abode for my new baby. 100% handmade. *beams*

Around the world in 80 days: Day 67-UoA

I miss the live score updates.

The Gallenkamp!
The Erlenmeyer!
The rat stood confused
On the brink of furry death.
Was it a trick of the eye?
Did it not disappear...
Given an oven
The rat'll do a Slyvia Plath.
Forlorn and haggard
The rat scampered back
Needing the angel's embrace
For the luxury
Of some unreality check.
Do you know angels have off days too?
The rat was not notified;
Instead sinking deeper
Into the abyss
Release from melancholy denied.

Later...

At the trench of the sinusoidal curve
Was a cheese flavoured letter
And that was all it took
To put the rat back on it's feet
Believing tomorrow will be better.
The rat chuckled to itself
"How strange and peculiar
The way I buried myself
Under the insidious atmosphere
When really everything
Is simply mind over matter."

Written straight from the heart by a true Malaysian, who, I quote, "didn't get an A1 for 1119".

* * * (unedited)

Today is September 16. Is this day just a result of the "hasutan" and crazed effort of a power-hungry man? I don't believe that. Even the antichrist can't raise such emotions and turmoil alone. This is the sum of all the pain, displeasure and uncertainty brought onto us due to continuous social, political and economical mismanagement by a government plagued with not so much of incompetence than corruption. It is because we are a country blessed with such unrivalled richness in potential, yet at the same time suffering from the weight of an evil grip, suppressing and stifling the people.

I still remember having so many arguments with my parents about why are things "the way they are". Why is such injustice not only allowed constitutionally, but also accepted as a way of life that we have a responsibility to tolerate? Today I see hope again for the wronged. I see hope for change. And I can believe finally with passion that right will always triumph over wrong. Because no matter how this episode ends we have all seen the power of the people. And we have shown how the people cannot be mocked with illogical excuses and cries for blood.

I can now trust in the collective courage of the people. We are empowered. It is now our duty, as the young generation, to imbue ourselves with strengths and abilities, so we can answer to the callings of our nation when the time comes. We have a responsibility to the country. We will decide the future of the country, because it falls into our hands to make a difference in a time of transition. It is for us to build the country, to shape it into what it will be, to fulfill its latent potential, and to bring Malaysia to its destiny.

The impossible has happened. Not the election results, not the threats of racial riots, nor the gross misuse of ISA. What I see is a Cabinet Minister resigning for his principle and belief, what I see is the people throwing caution to the wind and voting for change. What I see is the people for once being truly represented by leaders who dare to voice their resentment for underhanded tactics and discrimination, even if the offence is committed by their own coalition.

Do not get me wrong. I do not see this going smoothly. Rather I see a revolution, rivaled only in our history by the fight led by MPAJA against the Japanese during WW2 and also Merdeka itself. It's my hope that the transition is smooth and painless, but such is almost wishful thinking. My guess is we will see blood and we have to be prepared for sacrifice. We must be ready to give everything and anything to the progress of the country.

This would not, however, be in the conventional sense where physical warfare will be the focus. Rather, in this time, and for us, the war lines will be drawn along multiple sectors with boundaries lining finances, media, technology and like. We have already seen the "soft" war of internet blogs and party-hopping of MPs. This will go on, but it's likely to only get "harder".

This will however, be fought over by our fathers, the older generation. Whether it'll be over by the time we are ready, no one knows. My wish is that it will. But if it doesn't, the fight must continue with us. What is sure is we are in a very special, and scary period of time in our nation's history, and we must be prepared, whether it is to wage war, or to recover and move our country forward in a post-turmoil environment.

So I'm calling for the youth to rise to this challenge. No more is it relevant to sharpen the parangs and sound the war horn. Rather, it is required of every one of us to hone our skills any aspect we do the best, and in time, these skills will be what makes the difference. Every little unremarkable trait or peculiarity you have there, that's going to contribute to the building and rehabilitation of the nation. So refine it, and polish it until it becomes not only an asset but a viable weapon in time.

We have all suffered enough. And so has everyone around us. It is now time to unite, wherever we are, and begin a long and perilous march to the birth of a truly great nation. And the first steps are already taken. It is now that we will fulfill our duty and destiny.

* * *

More effective than 3 months of National Service, don't you think?

I was about to take the escalator at the University LRT station when I saw a blind man standing in the middle of the landing, looking lost and confused.

Without a second thought, which is unusual for me, I walked right up him and said, "Can I help you?"

He wanted to take the train to Coliseum, so I guided him down the multiple escalators to the waiting area. As we descended, he held on to my hand. I'm not at all comfortable with strangers holding on to any part of me, especially after the unsavory experience of having a grimy Indian man grab my hand at Petaling Street. I was 9 then. You can't blame me for being paranoid ever since.

Well, back to the blind man, we happened to take the same train, and during the journey I observed him to confirm that he was indeed blind. It would have been too late, but I didn't want to feel taken advantaged of.

I watched him fiddle with the wires of his headphones and rearrange his Subway cookies. He had funny eyes. My brain did its analysis and concluded , to put it crudely, that he was a genuine blind man.

Later that night, Fatty said he would give me a pat on my shoulder not so much for my kindness as for my bravery. It must be the Canadian weather getting to me, because under usual circumstances, I'd shy away from helping an unknown person, or I'd spend too much time contemplating the "hows" and "should Is" such that the moment would pass and I'd feel awkward if I offered my help.

In fact, sometimes I see people in Singapore fidgeting and getting tensed over whether they should give up their seat to the elderly on the bus or train. As if helping would make them seem like a "goody two shoes" to the extent that they'd feel embarrassed by an act of kindness.

Now springing up when I see a person who needs a seat more than me feels like second nature. I cannot explain my bout of hesitancy; I don't understand why it was there in the first place.

I received a call from ubur ubur. He wasn't a bearer of good news.

A friend I've known since Form 2 passed away. He had been sick for quite some time. I always thought he had the cancer under control, and that he was fighting - and winning.

Death is depressing, but more unsettling is the demise of a person who is supposed to be at his prime. It demonstrates how being 21 does not necessarily mean that one is bequeathed the armor of invincibility. Life is fragile.

I felt quite remorseful for not visiting him while he was around. A few of us did discuss about going together as a group, but somehow the plans remained just that. I even had doubts about attending his wake, mostly because I dreaded the uneasiness at such a somber function, and I didn't want to go alone. But ubur ubur encouraged me, and told me to go on his behalf.

So after dinner I took time to prepare myself and walked to his house. My trepidation was unfounded as the crowd was huge, and to a certain extent not too mournful (the professional mourners in "There's a Death in the House Opposite" come to mind). I was soon inconspicuous.

The Christian service began at about 8 30 pm with hymns and prayers. I stood with a few schoolmates at the side of house, so still we were the perfect feeding ground for mosquitoes. As the service droned on, my mind wandered, taking in occasional terms like "living hope" and "living stone". I must confess I do not identify with these conceptual ideas (yet), but I concluded that funerals generally serve two functions: to celebrate and commemorate the life of the deceased, and to help the deceased's family and relatives deal with their loss.

It first occurred to me, that in the face of death, everything that one has aspired and striven for is meaningless. Are the SPM and SAM qualifications not mere pieces of decorated paper for him? I lambaste myself for such selfish, shallow thinking, and for taking things at surface value. Because thankfully, the complexity of human relationships allow one's ambitions and passion to benefit more than the individual, just like how he, in his personal way, contributed his talent and energy towards the well-being of others.

Ending the service was the march past his open coffin. I thought he looked very different and unrecognizable. At this stage, though, all that matters is the privilege I had in befriending him. He was a good person.

That love will ensure the end is good.

I deflect an arrow
A well meaning arrow
That aims to protect
Me

Its trajectory:
I'm unsure

I bolt to intercept-
Velvet lining
The diamond is unscathed
The diamond does not know

How much do I know?
As much as I have been showered
I drink in felicity

Unpolished
A diamond is but a stone

But I am confident

My diamond is forever

I couldn't enter the site. That was going to be RM440 down the drain. Not to mention a whole decade's worth of nagging.

How could I mistype my mother's name? I tried a gazillion permutations, to no avail. And there was no password retrieval system. Even if I called to ask if there was, what was I supposed to say? I forgot my mother's name? That was to be the joke of year.

My heart fluttered in its cage like a desperate bird, for I was sure the world was ending.

Wait, my helpline.

"I'm going to die." This I repeated to the person on the other end. Frantic. Pulsing. Dying.

"What's going on? Babe, calm down. Tell me."

So I said, "I'm going to die."

When rationality finally took control, I related my predicament, and was rewarded with an unexpected scolding.

The poor guy thought I had cancer or some terminal illness.

It stung, and there was nothing I could do. I went to bed early that night so I could wake up to make the phone call that would determine my fate.

As it turned out, the site only works with IE. I was using Firefox, not only on my comp, but also William's. Bill Gates must really own America.

From this I learned never to lose my head, or risk being bundled in a straight jacket. And also, for anything, anything at all, there is my helpline, who would, with the perfect balance of patience and kindness, knock some sense into me.

How shall I have fun today?

That, for the past few weeks, was the only thought that entered my mind each morning. To enjoy myself, and to contribute to the foreign country's GDP, were my missions.

But the once-in-a-lifetime trip turned out to be more, much more than that.

According to Mooi, sharing a holiday is like having a microscopic view into the travel partner's character and personality. I cannot agree more.

I expected a hassle free holiday, short trips with different friends. The final leg of the journey- I wasn't so sure. My, was I surprised.

Did I harbour too high hopes because of our past encounters? I thought of how good we were together last year. Perhaps I overlooked some tell-tale signs? It was as if being in a different continent made you a different person. Halfway through I felt gratified that I did not travel as initially planned.

I suppose I was affected by it to a limited extent. Thankfully the remaining company and the awesome sights more than made up for the disappointment.

But Spain, ah, Spain was where the real fun started!

If my brain were spread out like a mind map, one would see clearly that Gaudi and "mini-ducks", and of course, Sweden, will always be directly associated with you. I knew you were easygoing (I'd like to think that I am quite too, and that I didn't pester you into visiting places that did not interest you), but we hit off with a solid note, didn't we?

While I basked in the warmth of friendship that Spain provided in abundance, Germany manifested the special bond between family members.

The genuine hospitality is an infinite times better than that found in any 6-star hotel. I felt so comfortable, and with gentle coaxing from the various beers you introduced to me, our conversation flowed like never before. I discovered what I've been missing, and that has only made me want to know you better. I'm glad I could spend some time with you, and I quietly believe that wherever the tides bring us, we will remain as we are: great cousins.

Now, time for my Oscar moment:

This trip would have been impossible without the support of Mum and Dad. Thank you for financing this incredibly expensive holiday of mine. And thank you Mum for having a sleepless night worrying for me when my luggage was "lost in transportation".

Thank you too, Fatty, for the countless e-mails. Words fail to explain how keeping in contact with you brightened my days.

Thank you to all the friendly and helpful people I've met throughout my trip. Every little bit succeeded in making the small yellow-skinned tourist a happy one.

And lastly, thank you to all my travel pals. I shed some old skin, took in a lot of exciting sights and knowledge, and discarded some excess baggage.

I had immense fun.

I'm at the Mac store at Oxford Street, London, on something magnificent called the MacBook Air.

Super sleek and sexy.

Pictures later!

*

Now that the traumatizing moment has passed, I can concentrate on having fun. Suffice to say that the results were satisfactorily lousy. I'm surprised I managed to scrape through SS with a decent grade though.

I suppose after the rejection by Alberta the quality of my shock absorber has increased significantly.

Anyway, having delivered the unsavoury news, let me share with you the most beautiful place I've been to thus far- Bray.

A simple search on Wikitravel will probably form an image of a bygone coastal town in your head, but that's exactly the way I like it. Grace, Becca and I hiked up Bray Head, with the sushi nestling safely in Grace's backpack. The ascend was tiring; my legs started screaming when we were only halfway through. The view at the peak, however, was most rewarding.

Grace and I looking like siamese twins on the stony cliff.

The sky and sea diffuse into each other. It took my breath away.

One of Becca's rare appearances.

Grace should be awake anytime soon, then we'll be walking to Becca's place for tandoori chicken. Till later!

The latest story about how Singapore's favourite fugitive, Mas Selamat, escaped has been released.

Some "private time" in the toilet cubicle with an ungrilled window? CCTV cameras not yet in commission? And I heard, 7 rolls of toilet paper to cushion his fall? Most people don't have their prayers answered even on their deathbeds. Clearly someone had been praying very hard.

To me, it's a gross error that's almost, well, laughable. Had Mas Selamat been kept locked in any hostel in Singapore, he would have faced a tougher challenge en route to freedom. Take for example the NUS High School Residence, floor 11. Perhaps he could have jumped off the ledge if he sprouted wings. The fire escape method is suicidal. Good luck trying to rig the numerous CCTVs around the main hostel building. ( Though he could have observed the times when the security guard takes his 20 winks or advises an unknowing hostel kid to take the MRT rather than the bus to Orchard.)

Mr Wong, the hostel manager, certainly had all grounds covered and with this I wholeheartedly recommend him as a counter-terrorist expert.

Plus, NUSHSR is located just next to a Catholic church. We really should have more faith in our man- Mas Selamat.

*

I miss home and I can't wait for the holidays. Please come soon.

*

This is my 100th post. So much for blogging being a fling (Joleen, 2006). =)

This life:

Defying Murphy's Law.

Once in a while, I come across some unreasonable people who deserve a tight kick in the ass.

Remember SDMm?

As fate would have it, there was a minor skirmish at the Arts canteen today.

It was lunchtime, and as usual the canteen was packed with 70% students, 30% bags and other personal belongings. Fatty and I laboured to get a table, and I left my trademark orange bag on one of the stools. I had cravings for unagi, so I queued at the Japanese foodstall, not ten steps away from our table. Further away was Fatty at the yong tau foo stall.

Just as I was contemplating about my order, I saw three angmohs advancing towards our table. Imagine my horror as they disregarded my behemoth of a bag and plonked their food on MY table. I abandoned the queue and walked up to them, and brought to their attention, in a respectful manner, that the table was mine.

By then, one of the male angmohs had left, perhaps to buy a drink. So the remaining male said, "You may sit here", pointing towards the seat occupied by my bag.

I wasn't prepared to sit on Fatty's lap while having my lunch, so of course I protested, and was promptly countered by the angmoh's jab towards the plastic sign on the table that says "Please do not leave your belongings bla...".

I responded, somewhat feebly, "But that's what everyone does", because it is the norm in NUS. People usually respect and accept that a bag left on a chair means that the table is taken. None of the angmoh predators were carrying any bags, so naturally they couldn't obtain a table that way.

The angmoh just shrugged and proceeded to plonk his butt one of the stools. His female counterpart followed suit.

!!!

An angry, tumultous tsunami swelled inside me. I knew I hadn't a strong case, the "rules" were simply not on my side. Nevertheless, I wasn't going to allow them to occupy my table, thus I moved the third angmoh's tray to the middle, and sat on the last empty stool, so when that third angmoh returned he had to sit elsewhere.

Sorry to spoil the fun, folks. But no one messes with me, especially when I think I am right.

It is possible for one to get tired of too much pink after all. Say bye bye to my salmon pink background, bye bye to the "bimbo" period, and hello to subtle hues of teal, brown and yellow.

*
The past few weekends have been filled with little trips.

The national museum along with tortoise and mash. It was our first "official" outing, and to be honest, the Greek sculptures started to get boring after a while. I mean, there is a limit to the amount of nudity in granite one can tolerate. (I'm not discounting tortoise though, ;) ) Nevertheless, the spur of the moment trip, IMHO, has sparked something among us.

What I'd like to say is, The three of us are so good together.

I digress. The painstakingly elaborate Singapore history section was such a surprise! The set up was almost perfect, and interesting, a trait not common among museums. I kept thinking of how Malaysia's needs a total revamp; this is certainly one of many good practices we can learn from Singapore.

To the zoo for, if I'm not wrong, the 5th time. Fatty wasn't feeling well, so it was sort of a grey cloud in the otherwise cool and obedient weather.

Met up with Zhi Ying, Michele and Mirna, and went to Sentosa with them. The company was great. I thought I'd need some time to re-acclimatise, but I felt so at ease.

Mirna commented, in passing, that I'm not a very open person. I concur wholeheartedly. Perhaps it will be one of my pet projects soon.

*

Sometimes hearing it from a third person can be more effective; realization finally made a home run. I will work with you.

If I had missed the last bus, I swear heads will roll.

I don't mind attending meetings; it's the inefficiency that makes my blood boil.

I wouldn't claim to be the most busy person in the world, and my time certainly isn't worth as much as say, Superman. But I like having the prerogative of dictating what to do with my time, and not be constrained by some silly inefficient fool.

Having said that, I'm feeling better now. I do suppose in real life, one can't expect everything to go as one pleases.

When I become CEO or regional director or some top brass, you'd better make sure you're competent and productive to get in my good books.

MALAYSIA DECIDES

Fatty said: Malaysian politics, for once, is more exciting than that of the US.

Indeed, Malaysian around the globe should be riveted to their seats, eyes glued to the screen as the shocking opposition wins continue to make our hearts pump at unprecedented rates.

Is this an indication of Malaysians finally reaching a higher level of maturity, and having had enough of bad governance?

I credit part of this political upset to technology, especially blogs. I came across Lim Kit Siang's blog, and felt heartened to read the the comments of his readers and supporters. Even the usually apathetic me frequented his blog, and I dare say that I have become more adept at understanding the Malaysian political scene.

I welcome the turning of tables. I see the possibilities of ideals like equality, tranparency and opportunity, becoming reality.

I feel hopeful.

The night before our encounter with the CN terror, the three of us gathered to do our final preparations. Basically it was PY doing the solving; ZX and I merely slacked around, flipped through our notes and eat cookies.

I was looking at the fomulas for the best fit line, and asked them whether the most likely to be useless equations had to be committed to memory. Parameter 'a' had the formula

SSxy
SSxx

The perverted me immediately recognised it as 'sexy'/'sex'. We had quite a laugh about it, then I realised that it 'SSxy' was more dominant as it was on top. It was ZX , however, who added the final touch to the joke.

He said, "It's only natural that those with XY chromosomes end up being on top."

Hence, a=SSxy/SSxx is now known as the man-on-top formula.

Smart eh? ;)

Enough of tinkering around with the layout.

There. =)

Back to watching my movie entitled "The cost of production", starring a certain Mr Poddar.

New layout. Bear with me. =)

I was lazing in my bed at 9 plus a.m. when Lee Kuen from the Econs Dept called. Her voice, while projecting a positive outcome, seemed to drone endlessly. I willed her to skip all the introduction and tell me the dept's decision.

Things are falling into place. =D

*

Now every room in PGP has this sticker above the switches. The first thought that came to my mind was "What a waste of money".


It was as if it intruded my privacy and ruined the status quo. Nevertheless, the humble little sticker seems to be emanating good vibes today. Perhaps I should reaffirm my belief that men are pure and kind at the core, only we sometimes need reminding.

When Fatty was born, doctors found a well developed sweet tooth in his mouth. And today, his penchant for all things saccharine became full-fledged.

He was particularly drawn towards cookies, so to satiate him, cookies we baked. =D

Fatty trying to make the butter-egg emulsion.

I was momentarily worried when I realised I forgot how to convert degrees Fahrenheit to Celsius. Betty Crocker sure is an accidental teacher.

Can you count the number of orbitals?

The final product. Our non racist attitude towards cookies is evident.

We wanted Subway versions, ie huge cookie with soft chewy centre, but a batch or two was rather burnt. So Fatty broke of the charred sides and ate what little remained.

*

Singapore won the bid to host the 2010 Youth Olympics! There is an unexplainable happy fuzzy feeling inside of me. I said to ZX, "Hope we win the bid", during lecture on Thursday. Yes, I subconsciously used the word we. I'm anticipating the changes to the Singapore landscape; glad to be able to be part of it.

On a sadder note, Friday's crane crash at the new alumni house site was a spirit dampener. Wouldn't the nation be ballistic had the tragedy occured at Warren instead?

*

Wonderful surprises arrive in e-mails and envelopes. Mooi is right. There shouldn't be any "ifs". What I want should be what I get.

We were at the "soft culture" of America when Prof Natasha whipped out a powerpoint slide that had us all stunned:-



She took a fleeting look, and with an impish smile on her face, said, "This says DEMOCRACY." We cracked! Apparently she prepares her slides on a Mac, and the fonts got lost in translation.

See how I managed to capture the moment on camera? Proves how attentive I am during SS. =D

I almost had a heart attack.

Flubdub, don't die on me!!!

It's only the first day of Sem 2, and already I feel like a wringed towel. At least the lectures were insightful, especially Matlab. The lecturer gave a concise introduction. It was a sorely needed beacon, because suddenly I see the light!

My body is lagging by a month, my brain defrosting in my cranium. December was definitely the Month of the Year. In fact, it was the best holiday ever. Not too short, so I wasn't misled by the elusive term "holiday"; not too long, lest the days start to drag. I had a lovely, if not meaningful, break. The camp was inspiring, as was the accidental(!) friendship. Mum and I have never been on better terms. We finally settled the headache provoking issue of the colours for the house, and I ended my short-lived affair with pinks and violets. My room will be painted St. Moritz.

Bei Shi and I have been chefs for the past two days. We haven't suffered from food poisoning yet, though I doubt it will ever happen because we're such great and efficient cooks. Till now our menu is limited to stir fries with our secret ingredient- Lee Kum Kee oyster sauce. I expect us to be bold enough to take on more culinary challenges in the near future.

Sam told me about her experiences when she ran for a post in NTU, and today I got to be an onlooker of the grilling process during the @ MTP session. Will I be brave enough to put myself on the chopping board next year?

Well, I have some plans... It's largely still in blueprint, but hey! I don't want to be the Oz Lion anymore.

I salute you, my friend, for making that bold decision. You always struck me as a pessimist, but the unhappiness and hard times you've experienced have only made you wiser and more resilient.

And on Sunday, when you shared news about Tigger, your excitement was infectious.

I wish you the very best. You deserve it.

About time I revive this blog. And I even enhanced the layout to usher the new year!

This year's theme borders on everything that's vibrant and catchy and exciting. Out with the sullen, sombre background. Colour, and I mean, colour, is here to stay.

As with previous years, the start of the new year never fails to put me in a reflective mood.

How much have I grown? (not literally of course)

How has last year's experiences contributed to my being as a whole?

-Hence the snobbish sounding title.

Sid made a nakedly honest comment, "The only thing that differentiates you from them is confidence".

With a burst of vigour, I set forth with a new pair of wings, and fly.