What's furry, sleep-eats, scurries like it's the Gold Rush, has been muse for movies and is featured along with the Gooey Kablooie in Calvin & Hobbes? Need a hint?


Hehe... Hamsterville! Their food's right on top of their cage; the organic rolled oats are for human consumption.

I have a soft spot for furry little things, but the hamsters aren't mine. Shi Ying's off to Sarawak for a few days, so I'm to take care of them until she comes back.


They're nameless. How sad. =( I've taken to calling them Munchi aka Fatty and Bambi (short for Bamboozle).

Though doggies are superior, hamsters are pretty adorable too. =D You can't take them for walks, but you can watch them dig for kuaci, and rearrange their food in their cheek pockets. You can't hug hamsters, but you can wave 'hi' and wiggle your nose at them.

Hamsters are smart, too. See the hay? Bambi somehow pushes it to the middle, directly underneath the clear plastic flap, so as to elevate him/herself - perfect for a Houdini.


I'm smitten, again. Perhaps a hamster or two to accompany me during uni?

Sometimes it takes an in-your-face approach to send the message across. Sometimes you have to do it military style to explain your intentions. Because sometimes I cannot help being ignorant, or I simply refuse to acknowledge the obvious.

Sometimes I believe I can do without you; sometimes I cannot envision a future sans you. And because you always seem so strong, and so sure of yourself, I thought you were fine. I'm not always sensitive to your needs and emotions, but to say I was completely taken aback when you voiced your dissatisfaction is a lie. You said "How come you don't do it naturally?" I guess I've known all this while, a niggling feeling that was conveniently disposed, labeled under "forgotten conscience".

How to reason? How to do reality checks when reality, to me, always changes?

It's all a gamble. Life is a gamble, and we'll never know the outcome until it happens. We can only guess and have faith and hope.

Hello!

I've decided. For real.

So it's going to be NUS- Chemical Engineering with Economics, something yours truly wouldn't have considered 2 weeks ago. I surprised myself. No doubt Fatty was "pleasantly shocked" too. How much influence did he really have in this swinging decision? Well, I'll never be able to make a model to calculate it, thus we would never really know, won't we?

Thanks to Sam for giving honest opinions regarding my di/trilemma. I was confused. And even now I cannot be sure of what I really want. The window's still open, and the wind, though reduced to a zephyr, is still blowing.

Mum says that I've had TWO chances to go overseas. Once after SPM, and another after A levels. I turned down both. That's quite dense, I must say. So many would gladly give half a limb for it. And to be proffered the carrot twice, ain't I one lucky devil?

After doing the calculations, the cost of studying in Singapore is really a fraction of that needed for UK. That should lessen the burden on Mum and Dad, maybe forestalling the emergence of wrinkles. We can have nicer furniture in Tropicana. =D

I'll just have to vindicate myself, perhaps by creating another opportunity. Europe had better watch out for me.

*

Read through Fatty's appeal. It's jolly good, a straight from the heart and gut account. Fingers crossed.

LUNCHTIME!!!

I'm at dad's office now, filling in for Kavita who is getting married. Basically my job is pretty manual. Faxing, DO-ing, e-mails, typing quotations etc. Oh and it's worth RM900/month, starting pay. Easy but the pay is no good. Either I'm an efficient worker, or I'm not qualified or experienced enough to do more, because I've got so much "free" time I've learnt how to play Hearts. And I even brought Monty along. He's here, pictured with my favourite glass that has the magical powers to make me drink a lot of water in this dry, somewhat ho hum environment.


I realize I like familiar surroundings. I like them personalised. I'm like the wolves who pee around their den to proclaim "This is my space!". But mine is much more subtle. No realpolitik. More Ghandian. Invasion through softies. A monkey here, an orange heart shaped pillow there... Ha!

Say, if you took a fresh egg and hurled it against the wall, the result would largely resemble my scattered brains.

It's all back to choices again. Time is closing down on me. Act fast!!!

Three different courses. Four universities. Two countries. One huge factor. And one defining headache.

But you know what would rid all this? You telling me, yes, I'll go with you.

This is a golden retriever - my dream dog. They're probably the most friendly dogs in the world. I was at ECP one day, waiting for Fatty outside the toilet, alongside a goldie with the most luxurious coat of fur. I smiled and gave it a wave. Maybe I was emanating good vibes =), goldie actually came trotting on his adorable paws. I've been infatuated ever since.

The fear of the unknown, dull and monotonous. Like a black hole, it consumes everything, only the reverberating pings of worry escape.

Tangible. Tangible. Tangible. Erase the vestiges of capriciousness.

Lying on a haystack:
Ulterior needle
Prodding
Nipping
At consciousness.
You impapable spotlight
Be off!

Ya ya, that's my ode to insomnia. Stupid thing is bugging me. It's 3 05am in KL, 8 04pm in London. Don't tell me my brain is already adjusting without me being physically there.

So this post is going to be as long as it gets.

Damn. I'm getting really frustrated with all the tossing and turning, just waiting for the next day.

I've never been online this late since Form 2, when I'd pre-smuggle Dad's laptop and hide it in my wardrobe, again waiting for time to pass. But, hehe, when the hour hand touches 2, sneaky sneaky begins! Back then it was dial up modem, long treachery wires and more wires, plus Dad'a laptop made a sharp squeak during start up. The pillow made a good silencer. =)

Why all the hassle? Well, wouldn't you want to know.

Haha, it was a rendezvous with someone. ICQ-ing at night- me, the flickering screen, and the person at the other end... The timid tap-tap-tap, echoing against the silent night, was a source of thrill and gratification. Nothing criminal, just juvenile. I think I was caught a couple of times, but hey, as actuaries would say: risk is opportunity.

Funny- the way our relationship develops. Unique? Or worse, exotic? Screwy? Maybe. Now we talk about the "validation of your existence". Still great to have you around, if you'd have me.

Okay admittedly the other person at the other end varied at different periods. But you know I'm talking about you.

Since my brain is so scattered, this is going to be a very fuzzy, incoherent post.

Let's talk about past and present user names ie e mail, ICQ, MSN etc.

1 nixzuen ---I have no idea how this came to mind.
2 narcissus ---I didn't know what narcissist meant then. But a narcissus is a flower.
3 charon ---after one of Pluto's moons, must have been on some astrological craze.
4 paradoxical paragon ---I liked the word paragon.
5 ferris ---ferris?!
6 enigma --- like a silhoutte, or so I thought. I have totally fallen out of love with it now.
7 minute halcyon --- too morbid
8 halcyonjo --- I really love this. *projecting lots of happy moments*
9 jo ---obviously a short form for Joleen. Short and sweet, no? How apt. Haha.

All these numbers are not making me sleepy!!!

Okay, what's next?

Oh yeah my zero tolerance towards gross stuff. I've been coughing out solid green phelgm. And sometimes it's starkly contrasted with strings of red. Isn't it simply amaaaa...zing? I'm actually glad to see this stuff getting flushed down the sink. At least it's not infiltrating my lungs.

Did you know that Cho of Virginia Tech did not own a Facebook account?

Songs sound so much better now. Back to the haystack.

DISCLAIMER: Though this may be my most honest post to date, I'm under the influence of drugs. Hehe...

I fell sick today. It all started with the weirdest dreams- an American setting and people with names like Mary and Tom and confusing marriages- in a pool of sweat.

So I skipped my second last day as a temporary teacher. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I had some sushi made for a few teachers. In the end I got Ming Zhen to bring it to school for me.

Throbbing headaches and weak jelly- like limbs do put matters into different perspectives. Like in Blinding Light by Paul Theroux, Steadman takes some Equadorean drug, datura, "He was able to reason that if a dream lacks logic and connectedness, is random and puzzling, it was the opposite of a dream, and was wonderful for its coherence". Whatever he is trying to express, I'm too bombed.

*

Santarina is going to school tommorow!



Have you been naughty or good?

Uhm... I was a weather vane after all. It should have been easy.

-I want to get maximum exemptions with the least time and hassle and most help. -

There. Out went Warwick. Too long, too tedious. Southampton got axed too. Too economics oriented. Herriot Watt is too cold, too old. NTU? Not enough guidance. So the survivor? Kent.

Oh well. Oh well. I've got to work hard. Very hard.

*

The business talk was a waste of time. I got the impression that they focused more on banking and finance. But I liked the versatility of the course, and I even flirted with the idea of taking B&F. Haha at the end of it all I'm lured by the prospect of a monthly 5 figure salary.

That's if I manage. More than what's adequate.

On the up side, I got to know a girl from VJ. Sharon's like me. Small sized (Size 3 feet!), doesn't like sports, not the Student Council type. We clicked. =)